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LESSONS FROM MY FATHER
“Make yourself as indispensable as possible to your boss … but remember nobody is indispensable.”
On marriage: “Every morning when I think about life with your mother or without your mother, I choose your mother.”
My Dad taught me how being patient and then speaking fewer words can often be more impactful than saying a lot.
Growing up Dad worked 6 days/week, went to college 2 nights/week for 12 years to get his college degree and studied on Sundays. Somehow, he was also very present in my life. He taught me how to do what it takes to provide for your family while still being present for the ones you love.
The many fierce political debates I had with my father taught me that someone with very different views can be a good & loving person. So, instead of labeling and demonizing those who disagree, get to know them as human beings. It would be a much better world if people, politicians and the media took this to heart.
In 1973, at age 12, I received a formative lesson from my Dad (and Mom). White parents in Canarsie, Brooklyn kept their kids home from school for two weeks to boycott school integration via bussing. My parents sent me to school making clear they didn’t support the boycott. I was 1 of 3 kids out of 40 in my home room to attend.
A few days before he died, while home in bed under hospice care, my Dad was encouraging a friend to take his wife on the vacation they had talked about for years but not taken. He said “I traveled to 25 countries, have a great family and have done the things I wanted to do. I have no regrets. Take that vacation. When you are in my situation, you don’t want to have any regrets.” After hearing that, I realized that this is the ultimate definition of winning the game of life – to die without any regrets. Thanks for that final lesson, Dad. I’m in! How about you?
Many people are not aware of the work of Wallace Wattles but his work is one of the foundations of much of the personal growth work over the last century. Fortunately, as his books are were written in the early 1900’s, they are now out of copyright and in the public domain. The Wattles book that has made the biggest impact on me is The Science of Getting Rich. Here is a link to a PDF of that book. Definitely read it!
As I mentioned in the book, Bob Proctor is one of my biggest mentors. I am a huge fan of all his work and strongly recommend you check it out (www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com). He understands paradigms, their significant impact on us and how to shift them at a level nobody else does. Here is one of Bob’s great videos on paradigms:
Dr. Wayne Dwyer
For me, Wayne Dwyer was a master teaching people how to connect to source and manifest in their lives from that place. He wrote countless books and gave many talks including several for PBS fund drives that are available without cost. Check out his work at www.drwaynedyer.com.
Jack Canfield is not only the co-author of one of the best-selling book series of all times, Chicken Soup for the Soul but also exemplifies and teaches in a very practical way the power of manifestation. The story I relay in the book about standing for your value had a big impact on me. You can find that story on the following recording (https://www.amazon.com/The-Secret-Teachers-Recorded-Live/dp/B000Y8ZIM8) which also has great talks by Bob Proctor, John Assaraf (who provided an endorsement for my book, Authentic Negotiating) and by, another favorite of mine, Lisa Nichols. You can learn more about Jack at www.jackcanfield.com.
Lisa Nichols (http://motivatingthemasses.com/) – who is a huge inspiration to me and who has a moving talk about her grandmother’s encouragement and wisdom on that same Teachers of the Secret program as Bob Proctor and Jack Canfield.
Toward the end of Chapter 4 of Authentic Negotiating: Clarity, Detachment & Equilibrium – The Three Keys to True Negotiating Success & How to Achieve Them while discussing the fifth step to being a great negotiator, I mention studies on positive impact on results of holding high expectations and reference the Pygmalion or Rosenthal effect. Here is the Wikipedia link to that work –
LIST OF NEGOTIATING TACTICS
I put this list of negotiating tactic together for a presentation several years ago, sourcing them from books, articles and on-line resources. It blew my mind how many of them there were and how many of those were manipulative and inauthentic. Frankly, because I do not teach or focus on tactics and counter-tactics, there are some on this list that at this point I don’t even remember what they are.
The reason for including this list here and mentioning it in Authentic Negotiating: Clarity, Detachment & Equilibrium – The Three Keys to True Negotiating Success & How to Achieve Them is only to illustrate how ridiculous it would be to spend time learning all of these as many are inauthentic and ineffective and as your time is much better spent on doing the necessary inner work and learning how to attain and maintain CDE, the three keys to true negotiating success, and the other things I teach in the book before spending any time on even the few that are not inauthentic and have any value. The other reason to review these tactics is to understand and know how to deal with them when other less authentic negotiators try to use them against you.
Authentic Conversations About Race Project
This project has supported more than 1000 people to gain deeper understanding and connection through one-on-one intimate and personal cross-cultural conversations about race.
Often there is a fear of sensitivity around race and people do not openly talk with people of other races, cultures or ethnicities. For many of us, we believe that these fears and inhibitions rob us of the opportunity to learn, gain insight, grow and create a more connected, understanding and loving world.
These project materials as one of many tools that can be used to help foster constructive dialogue and transform the current paradigm.