Emotional Intelligence & Deal-Making

Dr. Patricia (Pat) Baxter is a corporate veteran and femtrepreneur, as well as an award-winning, certified emotional intelligence (EI) coach. She’s also a professional NSA speaker and recognized workshop/retreat leader. Dr. Pat equips women leaders to lead boldly and intelligently. This is done using the undeniable power of emotions. She works with women leaders at all levels who want to use emotional intelligence to build stronger, SMARTER work environments and connections that more fully engage their teams, partners and clients.

With 25+ years of corporate/entrepreneurial knowledge and know-how, a doctorate in business leadership, and multiple published books, Dr. Pat is a deal-making force to be reckoned with!

Early Career Aspirations

Early on, Pat knew she wanted to be rich. Beyond that, she wasn’t quite sure what direction her career would take her!

She did remember an uncle who lived with her family when she was young who. He frequently told her she was too emotional and cautioned her to calm down. At the time, she found it frustrating. Having learned so much more about emotional intelligence now, however, she looks back and laughs. She realized that, in some ways, he was right. Calming down truly does make a difference!

As she has continued to learn more about the brain, emotional intelligence, and human responses, Pat has continued to grow her ability to help others use the power of emotion to lead well.

The earliest deal-related exchange that Pat remembered was related to helpfulness. She realized that, by engaging in chores and doing things that were being asked of her, she could alleviate stress from others. In doing so, she positioned herself to take advantage of the implicit trade-offs present in taking care of business. Even as a kid, she could see the benefits of being viewed favorably by others and building relationships before it came time to make an “ask” at the proverbial deal-making table.

Emotional Intelligence and Deal-Making

When making deals, Pat notes that emotional intelligence practice and awareness is very useful. She’s realized that she’s able to quickly tap into the other person or business’s interests, and to understand what they may be seeking.

Another useful skill? Picking up on the language being used and incorporating that into how you’re communicating. However, she notes that the key to this working is to ensure that you understand the full meaning of that language!

Pat encourages deep listening, which includes watching expressions and body language in addition to listening to words. It also requires that you manage yourself! You should know how your own tone sounds, and be aware of what you’re communicating with your own body language. After all, communication is a two-way street.

True deal-makers need to do the hard inner work of knowing why we react the way we do, why we think the way we do, and how our own tendencies may impact our deal-making success. This sort of self-knowledge can also prevent us from sabotaging our own deals.

Mission Critical Skills

1. Self-Awareness

Headed to the deal-making table? It’s essential that you have enough awareness to know what you actually want. You also need to know how you come off.

2. Self-Management

You have triggers that may derail you, spiral you into limiting beliefs, or cause you to shut down or lash out. We all do. It’s your responsibility to know what yours are and learn to manage them in order to best equip yourself for deal-making success, no matter what comes up.

3. Empathy

Empathy opens the door to understanding both others and ourselves. It is what allows us to express ourselves with vulnerability and to make connections that make powerful deals possible.

Why Deals Die

After years of making deals, I’ve found firsthand that personal client triggers can be a major reason deals die. The sensation of immediate dislike, distaste, or frustration that can rise up within us when we encounter certain triggers are powerful deal-making hurdles, even if there is nothing explicitly wrong with the deal’s terms or logistics. 

Deals die when we cannot overcome these triggers.

Even if you’re technically “in the right” or your frustration is legitimate, you can choose to manage yourself and your emotions if you’d like to close on the deal you’re making.

The reality is, our behavior is guided by all sorts of deep, unseen emotional triggers and responses. Often, these triggers come from the most unexpected things, which means that our own lack of awareness can cause us to cycle into unintended responses without even realizing it’s happening. 

In fact, Pat shares that our emotional triggers actually set off a chemical reaction in the brain. This can trigger fight or flight responses, which can take over our more rational responses. Once we learn to realize that this is happening, and that we’re feeling out of control, we can learn to create more space for ourselves and to respond in a way that will enable us to pursue the outcomes we’re desiring, even if we encounter an unexpected trigger.

Listen in to learn more about Pat’s tips for handling triggers!

Raising Your Awareness

Pat recommends that being aware of your body can help you begin to more easily recognize your own triggers. From sweaty palms to a lurching stomach, tingling ears to a foot that won’t stop tapping, you absolutely get physical clues about what’s going on emotionally. Learning to be more aware of what’s happening in your body when you’re getting triggered can help you  begin to prepare for the self-management aspect of being triggered.

Obviously we can see that being over-reactive can blow a deal. However, how emotional triggers can also cause us to go through with deals that we shouldn’t have gone through with.

Pat notes that our bodies give us signals about bad situations as well. Learning to watch our bodies, to get in tune with what they’re telling us, and to respond with compassion and intelligence can help us avoid going off the rails in either direction.

People who find themselves in an “endless loop” of failing or not getting what they want often have something, somewhere “disconnected”. At some point, it’s time to hold up the mirror and start to examine what internal work can be done to help you break through and begin to reach the next level. This is especially important for deal-making!

To learn more about the specific tools I use to get myself back into the right place, and to learn about Pat’s suggestions, listen to the full episode here.

Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker. He is deeply passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!